Special edition: Sakura and the Akatsuki
by Hai-Akatsuki
Summary: A collection of AkaSaku moments (prompts), from A to Z. Why have one Akatsuki member when you can have them all? Reverse harem.
1. Chapter 1

**Prompt #1** - asparagus

**Summary:** Because you just can't ask nicely, you have to use force when it comes to eating healthy.

**Warnings:** Hidan says it all.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Sakura, a beautiful girl with pastel-pink hair and green eyes was currently shopping in a supermarket. Surrounding her were ten men who were all handsome in their own way. This made her unapproachable from the start.

People weren't surprised when they saw the Akatsuki with Sakura. It was normal for them to see her with the good-looking group, but others tended to stay away unless they wanted to get melted down by furious glares.

The Akatsuki members were protective when it came to their own, specifically Sakura. She was their precious blossom who brought happiness in their life. It wasn't any surprise when all of them volunteered to go food shopping as long as they got to spend time with her.

Kisame pleaded to Sakura, "Can we go to the fish market too?"

"Sure Kisame." Sakura looked at him and smiled.

Kisame inwardly cheered. _Woot! The fishies!_

"Sakura-chan yeah, can we buy these chips? It's 2 packs for a dollar," Deidara gave Sakura a puppy-eyed look.

Sakura pursed her lips, knowing they liked to eat junk food all the time. It was a miracle they were pimple-free and still very muscular. _Well it should be no surprise since they excercise a lot anyways,_ Sakura mused. She contemplated a little longer, making Deidara pout.

Not being able to resist him, she gave in to the adorable face he was making.

"Alright fine, but that's it. No more unhealthy food!" Sakura scolded.

"This is making our money decrease even more..." Kakuzu slouched, a little depressed.

Sakura pat him on the back gently. "It's okay Kakuzu, we make more money than we can spend anyways," Sakura stated cheerily.

Kakuzu stood up a little brighter and agreed with Sakura. "Yes, you're right, I guess there's nothing to be sad about."

Hidan looked at Kakuzu in shock. "Did j just fucking hear you say money isn't a big deal? And I thought only that would fucking happen when pigs die!"

"Hidan, it's 'when pigs fly', not when pigs die," Itachi interjected calmly. However a smirk threatened to break out on his face, giving away what he thought of Hidan.

"Haha Tobi thinks Hidan is stupid!" Tobi laughed loudly, running around Hidan in circles.

"What did you just say to me you bitch?! Wait 'til I get my hands on you!" Hidan snarled. He wanted to strangle Tobi, if only Tobi would stop moving!

"Stop running you brat!" Hidan waited for the perfect moment to leap at Tobi, ready to put his hands around Tobi's neck.

Sasori sighed loudly. "You two idiots are causing a scene. Let's just finish shopping with Sakura, my doll..."

"She's not your doll, yeah! She's like the beautiful calm before a storm...and then BOOM! An explosion caused by lightning," Deidara said passionately.

"Where is she anyways?" Kisame interupted Deidara before Sasori could get a word in.

He had the urge to go to the fish market and wanted to bring Sakura there. They could save the fishes together and let them be free. Kisame imagined a scene where they would be holding hands and skipping on the beach. They collected all the alive fish -a moment of silence for the dead- from the market and freed them in the ocean.

Kisame sighed dreamily.

Tobi's scream broke Kisame out of his thoughts. "Let go of Tobi!"

"Not until you say I'm smart you little bitch!" Hidan growled. He was on top of Tobi, hands around the orange-masked man's neck.

Sasori said impatiently, "Get up from the floor. You both are immature. Pein, Madara and Zetsu are gone. They're probably with Sakura right now."

In a flash, Hidan and Tobi were standing upright again. Hidan patted Tobi roughly on the back. "Sorry, man. You got me pissed there."

Tobi sniffled, "Tobi thinks Hidan is kind and smart."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. How he managed to get stuck with these weirdos, he'll never know.

Itachi said, "I believe Sakura is in the fruits section."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go then!" Deidara complained, eager to get back to Sakura.

* * *

Sakura was walking down the aisles of fruits and vegetables, having left behind most of the members. She loved food shopping because she was the one who had final say on what to eat. Trailing behind her was Pein, Madara and Zetsu.

Zetsu moaned sadly, "My poor brothers and sisters..." Sakura heard Zetsu and giggled. She felt a little bad for him. "You know Zetsu, you didn't have to come follow me," Sakura said innocently. Zetsu blushed, looking away. He cleared his throat and said quietly, "It's alright. I wanted to."

Now it was Sakura's turn to blush. Unfortunately, Pein and Madara saw her reaction to Zetsu's words and glowered at Zetsu. Unaffected, Zetsu continued walking and observed the fruits that were on sale.

Madara decided he had to make a move on her. He stood next to Sakura, secretly smelling her hair. It smelled like mangos and peaches. He loved the way how her hair always had that distinct scent.

In a husky voice, he said sexily, "Sakura-chan, we should buy mangos and peaches. They are...particularly delicious."

Sakura, not knowing what he meant by that, replied, "Um, sure? Help me pick the mangos out then." Next, she commanded Pein to pick out the peaches. Pein obediently walked over to the produce, staring at them.

She didn't have a task for Zetsu, so she just made one up on the spot. She asked sweetly, "Zetsu-kun, would you mind looking at the vegetables and decide which ones we should have for dinner tonight?"

Zetsu stammered out a yes while quickly walking towards the vegetable section. On the way there, he was arguing with himself. "Really, that's all you can say to her? A 'yes'? How pathetic," his conscience sneered at him.

"It's not my fault she's so nice to me. I don't know what else to say," Zetsu argued back. Zetsu tuned out his conscience who started cursing at him and looked at the rows of vegetables. "Now which cousin shall be the sacrifice for tonight's dinner?"

Pein was still staring at the peaches and Madara wasn't even picking out mangos at all. Madara's fingers were twitching and wanted to hug his Sakura-chan so bad. Sakura didn't pay any attention to them, looking at which apples to buy.

Madara couldn't take anymore and sauntered over to her and drawled, "You know they always say, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'."

Sakura gave him a look and retorted, "Maybe I should give you an apple to keep you away, even if you're not a doctor."

Madara frowned at her and said, "Mou, Sakura-chan that's so mean of you!"

Sakura merely ignored him and started to pick out twenty-four apples, with 4 apples in each plastic bag. "Since you aren't doing what I told you to, go and hold these for me." Sakura shoved the bags of apples towards Madara, making him grab ahold of them.

"That's so mean of you!" He repeated, whining at Sakura.

Not wanting to make Madara whine continuously, Sakura took pity on him and grabbed two bags of apples from him. "Happy now?"

Not waiting for an answer, Sakura brushed off Madara and saw Pein looking dumbfounded at the peaches. She wanted to laugh at the sight. Of course the prideful Akatsuki leader wouldn't know how to pick fruits.

"Pein, do you need help?" Sakura put a hand over her mouth, trying to muffle the laughter.

Pein cleared his throat. "Um...yes." She bumped hips with him, making room for her to stand beside him.

"Okay first, what I do is smell them." She took a peach and put it under Pein's nose.

"See how it smells yummy and peachy?" Pein could only nod his head yes. "Next, you have to feel them."

"Feel them?" Pein inquired.

Sakura nodded her head and said, "Yup! They should be soft and not hard."

Pein blushed at her statement, dirty thoughts coming in his head. "Alright."

"Now the last step is to look at them! It''s good if they're yellow and red," Sakura explained. "Pein, why don't you try picking out a peach?"

Pein looked unsure by her question but determination filled him. He looked at the peaches and ran through the steps she told him. It didn't take long as he found a delicious-looking peach. He held the peach to Sakura, as if he was offering a gift to her.

"Wow, you have such a good eye for peaches Pein! You should come with me every time we go to the market," Sakura praised him.

Now, Pein was a gentlemen but all he could hear from Sakura was, "You should come with me every time." The sentence echoed in his head. "You should come with me...come with me..." Out of character, Pein blushed hardly at his own pervertedness.

Sakura looked worriedly at him and put her hand to his forehead. "Are you okay? You're really red."

Pein said roughly, "I'm fine. It's just really hot in here."

Sakura accepted his answer after observing him for a moment. "Ah...okay then."

Madara butt in, looking extremely jealous. "Ne, ne, Sakura-chan shouldn't we go buy something else now?"

Sakura shrugged and said, "Sure. Should we check up on Zetsu or find the others?"

Madara thought to himself_. If we find the others...they'll want her attention too. Better to go with Zetsu._

"Let's check up on Zetsu, Sakura-chan!" Madara cheerily replied.

After Madara finished his sentence, many loud voices were heard, getting closer to them.

"Hey, move it! You're taking up all the space on the goddamn aisle!"

"You're the one who is fat, yeah?"

"We didn't even get to go to the fish section!"

"Tobi misses Sakura-chan!"

"If you knock anything off the shelves and it costs us money, I'll kill you all."

"...This is extremely boring."

"Indeed."

Madara slapped a hand to his face and groaned. _Too late._

Sakura spotted them as they turned the corner, her face lighting up. She waved frantically, "Hi guys! We were just going to find you!"

Sasori saw her happy and beautiful face, his eyes softening. _She looks so precious and adorable. _

Tobi ran to her and hugged her tightly. "Tobi missed Sakura-chan!" Sakura laughed and patted the top of his head. "Missed you too, Tobi." Deidara joined in on the hug, not caring Tobi was included as well. "I hope you missed me too, yeah?"

Kisame smirked at her and said, "Hey little one, find anything good yet?"

Itachi nodded her head towards her, a small smile featured on his handsome face.

Kakuzu just raised a hand in greeting, his heart beating a little fast when he saw her.

Sakura was smiling at all of them until Hidan opened his mouth. "Nice ass...I mean apples."

Sakura stopped smiling and started to scowl at Hidan. "You're lucky I can't hit you right now because I don't want to ruin the apples."

Itachi glared at Hidan and decided to change the topic. "Where is Zetsu? I notice he is missing."

Sakura looked as if she realized something. "Oh! We were going to find him in the vegetables section but I forgot because you guys met up with us again. Let's go!" Sakura turned on her heel, walking to the next aisle.

The others followed suit, content with staring at her behind.

"Ah...that's the life." The men agreed with Hidan except for Tobi.

"Hidan is a pervert!"

"Why you little..."

"Zetsu! Did you find anything nice?" Sakura interrupted Hidan, skipping over to Zetsu.

"Ah...yes. I found quite the vegetable to be sacrificed." Zetsu looked a little crazy, holding up a long, green vegetable.

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan looked as if he had never seen that in his life.

"It's an aspagus, duh!" Deidara rolled his eyes.

Sasori sighed, exasperated. "How are you even considered a genius? It's an asparagus, you idiot."

"That's what I just said," Deidara protested.

"Tch, whatever." Sasori didn't even bother to argue with him this time.

Sakura had a delighted face. "Oh, good job Zetsu! These are good for dinner!" Sakura skipped off quickly without them.

Most of the members started groaning. "Good fucking job Zetsu, now we have to eat this stupid thing!" Hidan growled.

"Well, I wasn't going to offer Sakura the other ones. They're too good to be eaten," Zetsu said matter-of-factly.

* * *

It was dinner time and Sakura cooked up such delicious food. Fried noodles with chicken, along with tempura. And then there was the asparagus that was simply steamed. Murmurs of appreciation went throughout the table in the dining room.

"This looks good, yeah! Thanks for cooking Sakura!" Deidara didn't wait for anyone else. He already dug into his food after saying, "Itadakimasu!"

The others shrugged and started to eat as well. Sakura smiled warmly, "No problem guys! Make sure you all finish eating that asparagus."

Hidan started choking on his noodles with Kakuzu hitting him hard on the back.

"What the fuck? We have to eat that shit?"

Sakura glared at him. "Yes, of course you have to eat that 'shit', as you eloquently put it. All this food is fried. You guys need healthy vegetables in your body!"

In order to appease Sakura, Itachi took an asparagus from the dish without a complaint and started eating it.

"See? Even Itachi is eating it!" Sakura said happily.

"That's because he's a faggot for liking vegetables," Hidan grumbled.

Itachi stopped munching on his asparagus midway and said, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I said you're a-"

"Shut up, Hidan. Just eat your food," Kakuzu butt in.

"I guess I'll try it, yeah," Deidara said tentatively.

"Deidara, it's not bad, I promise," Sakura said to Deidara.

Deidara gulped and took a bite of the vegetable. "Huh...I guess it's not so bad," Deidara said thoughtfully.

The other members except Hidan started to take the vegetable in their bowl after Deidara's confession.

Kisame chomped on his food and agreed with Deidara. "Yeah it's alright. Thanks, little one."

Sakura beamed at accepting expressions of those at the table, save for Hidan.

Sakura tilted her head and pouted at Hidan. "Ne, Hidan you're not going to try?"

"Hell no! They've been fucking brainwashed I tell you!" Hidan vehemently stated. Even if Sakura looked so cute right now, there was no way he was going to try that damned thing.

Sakura gripped her chopsticks so tightly they broke in half. "And pray tell, if I may ask, brainwashed by what exactly?"

"By the goddamn vegetable, duh!" Hidan spat.

Sakura rolled her eyes at him and stood up from her seat. "Hidan, a vegetable can't brainwash people, okay?"

"Now I'll ask you again, will you eat it or not?" Sakura questioned as she walked around the table to get to Hidan. She stood in front of Hidan and crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.

Hidan turned to her and smirked, "Hey, I like this view."

A vein bulged on Sakura's forehead. Unexpectedly she took a piece of asparagus and shoved it in Hidan's mouth. "Eat it you freaking brat!"

Hidan's reply was muffled by the asparagus and her hand, "Whf fa thuck?"

"Chew and swallow it or I'll make you," Sakura's eyes gleamed evilly.

Hidan shook his head no vigorously.

"Wrong answer!" Sakura roared, making the other members cower in their seats a little.

She shoved more asparagus in Hidan's mouth until his cheeks bulged out like a chipmunk.

Left with no choice, Hidan had to eat the vegetable. When he swallowed it, he glared at Sakura. "What the fuck was that? Shoving that piece of shit into my mouth?"

"Did you like it?" Sakura asked sweetly, doing a complete 360 of her mood.

Hidan looked away with a light pink on his cheeks. He mumbled, "Yeah, whatever."

Sakura clapped her hands and said, "Oh goody! I hope we don't have a repeat of this again." She returned to her seat at the dinner table and proceeded to eat as if nothing happened.

"Sakura." Kisame's voice rumbled.

"Yes?" Sakura looked confused at him.

"We didn't even go to the fish market!"

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! Will start on chapter 2 soon when I finish studying.

- Kai


	2. Chapter 2

**Prompt #2 **– burn

**Summary:** Itachi saves Sakura, and the others try to take credit.

**Warnings:** Hidan says it all.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Naruto.

*_Kasai _means fire.

* * *

"Help me!"

Itachi didn't know there was someone in the burning house. He believed it was empty as no one responded to his shouts earlier. However, now that he heard the cry for help he just had to go in there.

His boss was there with him who looked a bit worried. Pein, who sported pumpkin-orange hair and purple-gray eyes with many piercings on his face, was in charge of Division 10 in _Akatsuki Kasai*_.

There were also five other people there that were not in his Division. He was put in charge of Division 09 in _Sound Kasai _for this assignment, after Orochimaru, the leader of _Sound_, sent some of his members to him.

"Itachi, it's dangerous to go in there..." Pein began to speak.

"Were we not sworn under the oath to protect others, that they come before us?" Itachi said, with disapproval behind his voice.

Pein sighed and said, "You are right. But it's risky to go in there alone, so I will go with you.

Itachi was going to argue with him until a scream cut through the air. Itachi ran in towards the house, his long black hair flying behind him as he heard Pein tell the others -Tobi, Deidara and Kakuzu- to stay where they were and to continue hosing down the building. Pein followed Itachi afterwards, going up the stairs.

Itachi stopped in his steps when he found the person he was looking for. He also stopped due to how the person looked like. His dark brown eyes observed her was beautiful: unique and long light-pink hair, mesmerizing green eyes and with what she was wearing showed off her well-developed figure.

The only wrong thing about this picture was that she was lying on the ground and coughing.

Immediately, Itachi rushed over to her and looked for something to cover her mouth with. He quickly grabbed a shirt lying on the bed and held it to her mouth.

"Breathe in this, miss. Do not worry, you will be safe soon enough," Itachi tried to say soothingly. The woman tried to get up only to fall back down.

"My ankle hurts. I think I twisted it," she whimpered.

Finally reaching the third floor, Pein bursted into the room and zoned in on the scene that was happening. He was also struck by her beauty and determined to help her.

"I'll carry her," Pein's deep, low voice traveled throughout the room.

"No need. I can do that myself," Itachi refused.

"No really," Pein insisted. "You can clear the way while I bring her out of here."

As Pein finished that sentence, the window near them exploded into pieces of glass. Itachi hovered over the woman, shielding her from the incoming attack.

"Dun, dun, dun! No need to fear, Tobi is here!" An orange-masked man exclaimed happily as he hopped in through the window. He was wearing a red helmet and black firefighter's uniform with red clouds on it.

"Tobi get back here with my uniform, yeah!" A man sporting a blonde ponytail also jumped in through the window. Currently he was half-naked, wearing only bear-imprinted boxers as he glowered at Tobi with blue eyes.

Pein gave them a murderous glare. "What are you doing, Deidara and Tobi? How did you guys even get here? I thought I told you both to keep hosing down the house."

"We used the ladder from the fire truck. Sorry Pein, he blackmailed me out of my uniform, yeah..." Deidara said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and looking down at the floor shamefully.

Pein frowned at Tobi. "Tobi, I already told you this before. You're not allowed to undertake in these kind of missions yet."

"But Tobi wants to help!" Tobi said sadly.

"Hello, dying person here. Wanna help me?" A sweet, feminine voice interrupted their conversation. The female laughed weakly, her eyes half-open.

Itachi sighed quietly. "I apologize for my irrational teammates' behavior." He wrapped an arm around her waist and legs and lifted her up. Her arms went around his neck as she laid on his chest. Itachi's heart beat a little faster as he held her in his arms.

"Wow Tobi thinks you're a pretty lady! What's your name?" Tobi asked eagerly.

"I'm not that pretty but thanks. Just call me Sakura," she chuckled feebly.

"Hey let me carry her, yeah?" Deidara itched to know what it felt like to hold her. _Damn, Itachi's a lucky bastard. _

Itachi glared at him. "You are in no condition to be carrying anyone, nor do you look it."

"Oh yeah...heh." Deidara shut his mouth after that.

Pein was agitated. They spent too long in this house while it was on fire and they were already breaking protocol. "We need to leave before the stairs collapse." Pein spoke, his eyes narrowed at the three men in front of him.

Without further ado, Itachi hurriedly ran down the stairs, followed by his partners. As they were reaching the first floor, pieces of the ceiling were falling down, setting parts of the floor on fire.

"Crap." Deidara cursed. He held a hand to his mouth, trying to breathe through it.

Pein looked disapprovingly at Deidara's attire.

"What? It's not my fault, yeah? I told you, he blackmailed me!" Deidara protested, his voice muffed by his hand.

"Now is not the time to start an argument," Itachi said coldly.

"Tobi sees an opening! He pointed towards the first floor window, where the fire didn't reach there yet.

They quickly sprinted for the window as Pein smashed it with a chair he grabbed seconds ago.

The three men, along with one fragile-looking woman tumbled out of the house. A few seconds later, the house collapsed.

The blossom-haired woman was now wide awake, looking panicked. "No, my house!" She tried to run towards her house but Itachi held her in a vice grip.

"We just saved you and you foolishly want to run back to that?" Itachi heartlessly said. However his harsh words didn't agree with how he felt inside, as he wanted to comfort her and whisper loving words in her ear.

Sakura's form crumbled and toppled back in exhaustion. Itachi continued holding her in his arms, loving the way she fit perfectly against him.

To placate her, Itachi said calmly, "I apologize for speaking out of line. I assure you that-"

"Well, well. Who is this hot bitch?" Hidan, with silver slicked-back hair licked his lips. His light purple eyes stared at Sakura as they roved over her body.

"She is a fine specimen," Sasori agreed, in his own words. His red fringe covered his right brown eye but that didn't stop his other eye to inspect her.

"Such a shame when houses are lost to fires. All that monetary value gone..." Kakuzu mumbled to himself, not paying attention to the others. He was lost in thought and mourned for the houses. He wore a mask to hide his scars that much resembled like stitches. His unusual green eyes were one of the features that stood out, as well as his tanned skin.

"Yo! What's up guys?" Kisame nodded his head towards the men that just got out of the house.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at Kisame. "I thought you hated fires."

"But there's tons of water here from the hydrant! See?" Kisame held up a hose, grinning his sharp teeth at Itachi.

Pein looked very agitated. "What are you all doing here? Most of you are not even on duty now."

"I see a beautiful girl!" Madara sang out, stopping in front of Itachi.

Itachi took a step backwards and glared at Madara. "Don't touch her."

When Itachi stepped backwards, he bumped into Zetsu.

Zetsu peered at the woman in Itachi's arms and said darkly, "Can I lick her to see if she tastes delicious?"

Pein mentally facepalmed himself. He really wanted to know why Kami gave him these people to deal with.

Itachi ignored his friends' remarks and turned to look at the girl before him. "I believe it's best for you to-" He cut himself off when he realized she was sleeping. She breathed out softly and looked like the world's cutest angel.

Not saying a word to his friends, he walked off with her in his arms to the fire truck adorned with the letters '_AK'_.

"Hey! Where the fuck are you going with that bitch?" Hidan shouted at Itachi.

"Lower your voice, she is resting. I am taking her to the hospital," Itachi bristled at Hidan's volume.

"Tobi wants to buy her nice flowers!" Tobi tried to whisper quietly.

Itachi nodded his head at Tobi. "That would be a nice gift for her."

Itachi placed the woman gently in the seat beside him and sat in the driver's seat, ready to drive. Hidan and Kisame hopped on the back of the fire truck, whooping.

"Bye suckas!"

Pein gave them a hard stare as the vehicle drove away. He gave orders to some of the Division 09 members that were there to get the fire under control. Next, he turned to his workers. "Come, we shall use Kakuzu's pedo-van."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "What did you say about my expensive van?"

Pein ignored him and opened the door to Kakuzu's van, sitting in the back seat.

The remaining members followed suit. With Kakuzu driving and Madara in the other front seat, Pein, Tobi, Deidara and Sasori sat in the back seats.

Pein commanded Kakuzu to start driving. "Follow Itachi and the others."

"Konoha Hospital, am I correct?" Kakuzu glanced at Pein through the car mirror.

Pein nodded his head and Kakuzu started the car, driving to the hospital.

* * *

Sakura's heart monitor was steady, giving a constant 'beep' as she slept peacefully. A few minutes later, she woke up and rubbed her eyes. She sleepily looked around her, not being really aware of her surroundings. She closed her eyes again, ready to fall back asleep until she heard rustling beside her.

A bit more awake, she opened her green eyes and looked at whoever was with her.

"Um, who are you?" She questioned.

Dark eyes stared back at her with no expression available on his face. Then, he spoke. "Do you not remember what happened yesterday?"

Sakura scrunched her face adorably, trying to conjure up memories from yesterday. _Red...burning...fire...house! House on fire! _She remembered what happened now.

Sakura's eyes widened and was about to tear the IV's from her arms when she heard, "Stop."

She paused in her distress and looked at the mysterious man. Jet-black, shiny and long hair fell down his shoulders with sharp features on his face. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy towards this man.

Her eyes teared up. "I don't have a home now."

Itachi opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off short by Tobi bursting into the room. He became irritated at being interrupted one too many times.

"Sakura-chan, I brought you flowers!" Tobi hopped to her with an arrangement of colorful flowers in his hand.

She smiled a little at the enthusiastic man, even if he was hiding his face behind a mask. She held the flowers to her face and smelled them. "You're so kind. Thank you...?"

"I'm Tobi! Tobi is Tobi!" He nodded his head excitedly.

"Thank you, Tobi-kun," Sakura continued, smiling kindly at him.

"Sakura-chan is welcome!" Tobi chirped.

Itachi was jealous with the little moment they shared. He cleared his throat. "As I was going to say before..."

The loud chatter of the Akatsuki men was getting louder as they got closer to the room.

"I wonder if that hot bitch is going to be there?" Hidan loudly asked.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Of course you dolt. She's the reason why we're here."

Kisame had his arms crossed behind his head, strolling leisurely with a wide grin on his face. As he passed a nurse, his grin directed to her and she let out an 'eep'.

Sasori started humming a creepy, soft tune to himself.

"Danna, that's kinda weird yeah," Deidara poked Sasori in the ribs and received a glare in return.

Pein walked past them, eager to talk to the pink-haired beauty.

Madara was sulking all day and yesterday. He couldn't even get to see the pretty woman when they got to the hospital yesterday! They weren't allowed because they were not family and barely knew her. But his face brightened up again when he reached Room 219.

Sakura turned to the direction of chatter and raised an eyebrow at the strange men shuffling into her room.

"You know, this is nice I suppose. Never had this much visitors in a while," she beamed.

Itachi never felt this much agitation in his life. He said loudly, "Sakura-san, what do you remember about your house being on fire?"

Sakura's face fell a little. "Ah, I don't really know how it got on fire. I was sleeping because I was sick and the next thing I know, I smelled burning."

Pein waved dismissively with his hand. He was excited deep down, as he had an excuse to spend more time with her. "Whatever the case, you are welcome to stay with us."

A sound of 'what's' and 'huhs' spread throughout the room.

Sakura blushed and stammered, "N-no, I don't want to impose on you...guys? I barely know you at all!"

Hidan's chest puffed out. "I'm Hidan and don't you forget it bitch!" He winked suggestively at her.

Sakura's eyes darkened, her cheeks turning red. "What did you just call me?"

Sensing that she was getting angry, Madara stepped up to her and grabbed ahold of her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Madara is the name, my dear. It is an absolute pleasure to meet you, Sakura-chan," he said with a seductive tone. He heard Itachi speak her name when the Akatsuki walked into the room and thought it suited her perfectly.

This time, Sakura's cheeks turned pink. Her mind blanked with a handsome man who just kissed her on the hand. Such a gentleman!

The others saw the effect Madara had on her and glowered at him.

Pein wanted to get the introductions done already. In his powerful, leader voice he said, "This is Itachi, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu and Zetsu. I am Pein." He pointed to them respectively as he mentioned their names.

Sakura nodded her head slowly. "Sorry if I forget any of your names. It's too much to take all at once."

Sasori gave her a small, lazy smirk. "It's alright, doll. Pleasure to see you again."

Sakura looked at him in confusion. "Again? I don't remember seeing you."

Sasori's smirk widened on his face. "Why, you don't recall me? I was the one who saved you yesterday."

Itachi's eyes narrowed at Sasori. Calmly, he said, "Are you sure, Sasori? As I recall, you're not even on active duty." Inwardly, he was fuming. He was the one who carried her out of the house and not anyone else.

Sakura flinched at the venom in Itachi's tone. "Uh..." She didn't know what to say to the redhead.

"Hell no, it wasn't Sasori! It was me. I got to touch your body in different ways," Hidan leered at her.

Pein's face slowly turned into a scowl. Originally, it was Itachi and himself at the scene, until Tobi and Deidara broke in. Just what were the others playing at?

Kisame butt in, "Nah, it was me, little one. After all, I have these strong muscles to get you outta there." Kisame grinned and flexed his arms, showing them off to Sakura.

Itachi turned in glare at Kisame. "Kisame, you're not even a firefighter. You hate fire."

Kisame wasn't fazed by Itachi's glare. "So?"

Kakuzu didn't want to participate in this silliness. It was just wasting time and if this Sakura woman was going to stay with them, he was going to have to calculate costs again.

Zetsu just licked his lips at her from time to time. He really wanted to see how that delicate skin tasted. Just a tiny bite...

"Tobi saved the day!" Tobi ran around in circles, his hands up in the air.

"Actually it was me. Tobi didn't really do anything, yeah," Deidara frowned at Tobi.

Itachi wanted to stop this once and for all. "Deidara, you were half-naked. Sakura...I was the one who gave you a cloth so you can breathe through it." Itachi hoped she at least remembered that part.

Sakura's face lightened up. "Oh yeah! It was you! I remember your calm and reassuring voice. Thank you for helping me, Itachi-kun." Sakura smiled brightly at him, putting her hand over his and squeezing it.

Itachi could have died peacefully right there. The fact that she was touching him willingly, of her own accord!

Madara pushed Itachi slightly out-of-the-way and pouted at Sakura. "Please say you'll stay with us!"

Tobi nodded his head vigorously. "Yes, Tobi wants you to live with us! Sakura-chan and I can have sleepovers!"

Sakura looked uncertain. "Ah, well..." She looked at the other members, who were mostly giving her hopeful looks except for...what was his name again? Kakuzu! She shrugged and said, "Oh what the hell, why not?"

A bunch of cheers sounded through the room.

"Fuck yes! I get to see what kind of bra and undies she-"

"-SMACK-"

* * *

After the fire, Sakura barely had any belongings left. The Akatsuki members retrieved very little, due to the huge house fire. The fire was gone after Division 09, _Sound, _took over the job after the Akatsuki left. All she had left were clothes and some pictures with her parents who passed away a few years ago.

Sakura believed these people were too nice to her, although a little weird. She could deal with that, she supposed. By 6 P.M., she was all settled in nicely. They already prepared a room for her and she decorated it nicely with certain colors like maroon red and turquoise.

Sakura was told to stay in her room for an hour or two. The Akatsuki had a surprise for her, they said. An hour had passed and she was getting bored.

She decided to step out of the room and explore. They owned a huge house. She didn't know firefighters had that much money to spare. _But then again, they are risking their lives for others. They would get paid more, _she thought.

She walked down the stairs and when she reached the ground floor, she heard a huge "SURPRISE!"

Colorful decorations were strewn across the room and there was a huge banner that said, "Welcome to Akatsuki, Sakura!"

Sakura was speechless. She didn't know what to say and felt so welcomed.

"Wow...You guys really didn't have to do this, you know."

"We wanted to, Sakura." Pein's deep voice reached her ears, making her blush.

"Well thanks, I really appreciate it," Sakura said cheerily.

"Woot! Let's get this party started!" Deidara reached over to the CD player and turned on the music.

Sakura was touched by everyone's thoughtfulness. She never knew such kind people who would take in someone they barely knew, and then throw a party for them. These people were definitely one-of-a-kind.

However, she didn't know that when it came to Akatsuki, things would always go wrong. Especially when you have a bunch of people who were such oddballs.

Today, she would learn what it meant to be in the Akatsuki.

Sakura smelled burning when she nibbled on a piece of cake. She sniffed her cake, thinking the burnt smell was from the pastel. But it was coming from the kitchen.

The sound of pots and pans crashing on the floor was very loud and ear-deafening. She heard Tobi shout and start wailing for help.

Immediately, she dropped her cake and rushed in the kitchen.

She found Tobi holding an injured hand to his chest and on the stove she saw a small fire getting bigger.

Her eyes widened, not knowing what to do. The fire in her house affected her more than she would have liked to admit.

But Kakuzu came storming in the next second, making her internally sigh in relief.

Kakuzu started muttering like crazy, "Fools don't know how to take care of the damn stove and keep ruining appliances...making me spend more money and money is everything..." He turned off the stove and ran over to the sink, filling a bucket with water.

Sakura wasn't paying attention to Kakuzu, assuming that he had the situation under control. She found a first aid kit on a shelf nearby and took Tobi's hand gently.

"Tobi, you're gonna be okay. It's just a small burn," Sakura said soothingly.

Tobi sobbed openly. "Tobi just wanted to cook for Sakura-chan!"

She led him to another sink, holding his hand under cool water. After that, she started wrapping his hand with bandages.

Tobi sniffled, letting a few tears come out. "Sakura-chan saved me."

Sakura giggled. "No Tobi, Kakuzu saved you."

Tobi kept sniffling and said in a tiny voice, "Sakura-chan kiss boo-boo?"

Sakura was still for a moment and thought there was no harm to doing it. He was such a sweet boy even if he seemed to have ADHD or something. She softly put her lips to his hand.

"There, now it'll feel all better."

Tobi stopped crying and started jumping up and down excitedly. "Yay Sakura-chan kissed me!" He ran out of the kitchen.

Sakura shook her head to herself. He was so silly.

Now that Tobi was gone, she could see how Kakuzu was doing. He was about to pour the bucket of water over the small stove fire.

Her face turned into horror, "No Kakuzu!" She tackled him on to the floor, and the bucket of water spilled over them, his eyes looking startled.

"You can't put water over a grease fire! It'll make it worse," Sakura said in a panicked voice.

Kakuzu coughed behind his mask. "Oh. Then what can we do so the stove isn't ruined?"

She calmed significantly and said, "You have to wait it out."

Realizing she was still on top of him, she blushed and got off. She stood up, holding out her hand towards Kakuzu.

He grabbed it gingerly, not wanting to hurt her. As he got up from the floor, she said quietly, "I think you would look handsome without that mask."

Kakuzu blanched, not expected such a statement from her. He blushed behind his mask and looked away from her. "I have scars."

Sakura gave him a piercing stare. "So, what? I think scars are beautiful. They tell others that they survived a tough time."

Kakuzu merely tilted his head towards her to show he heard what she said. Kakuzu didn't know what to say to her. No one ever said something like that to him. So he walked away from her, deep in thought.

Sakura shouted after him, "Think about it, Kakuzu-kun!"

Kakuzu's face was definitely red and not pink by now, especially with the way she called his name. He hurried out of the kitchen and ran for the stairs.

Sakura smiled at his actions until she realized there was still a small fire going on.

"Ah, shoot..." Sakura sat down on a chair, waiting for it to go out.

Itachi decided to go in the kitchen to see what was going on, especially with Tobi's wailing earlier.

He saw Sakura sitting on the chair, looking at the stove. He turned to see what she was mesmerized by and saw a fire. His eyes widened imperceptibly and quickly ran to it, startling Sakura.

Before Sakura could stop him, Itachi got burned by trying to stop the fire.

Itachi flinched his hand back and Sakura started scolding him. "Itachi, you're a firefighter. You should know not to act so rashly. It was going to die down but now you're hurt."

Itachi had a light tinge on his cheeks, not knowing what to say to her.

"Here, sit down." Sakura gestured to a chair.

He sat down obediently as Sakura observed the injury he received.

She got a cloth soaked with cool water and pressed it on Itachi's hand.

"I hope this feels better. We can go to the sink to run it under water instead," Sakura suggested.

"No, this is fine. I must apologize for my..." Itachi started to give her an apology, but Sakura interrupted him.

"Stop apologizing to me. You were just trying to be safe, as ironic as it sounds," Sakura laughed.

Itachi stared at her, unblinkingly. Sakura stopped laughing and stared back at him.

They slowly leaned in closer to each other but they heard a loud "WHAT?!" from the living room.

Sakura snapped back, looking embarrassed. She didn't know what to do, knowing they had almost kissed.

In the living room, Tobi was telling the other guys on how Sakura-chan kissed his boo-boo. He held his glorious, injured hand to the others.

"See? Sakura-chan is so nice she even wrapped it for me! And kissed it!" Tobi happily said.

They heard he had started a fire on the stove and Kakuzu stepped in to save the day. Then, they noticed that Itachi was missing as well.

The men quieted down, listening for any conversation. They heard Itachi murmur to Sakura, "Thank you for treating my injury."

Pein's eyes widened as many thoughts ran through his head. Anything could have happened between them. What if Sakura kissed his hand too?

The remaining men looked at each other and had the same idea running in their heads: They had to get to that stove.

* * *

A/N: Ah, I love me some Akatsuki crack, don't you? A lot of ItaSaku in here. -winkwink-

Sorry it took so long, I had a bit of trouble finding how to end this chapter. Anyways, thanks for reading! (And reviewing!) Until next time.

- Kai


	3. Chapter 3

**Prompt #3 – **congested: (of the respiratory tract) blocked with mucus so as to hinder breathing. [Definition from Google.]

**Summary: **The monster under your bed is real...and attractive. Wait, what?

**Warnings: **Hidan says it all. Also contains mild sexual content.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

*_Rirakkusu _means relax.

* * *

Hidan was laying in bed, deep in thought about his Kami called Jashin. He was muttering prayers to Jashin when he felt his mattress being lifted up a little.

His eyebrows furrowed. "What the fuck?" He said aloud to himself. He ignored it, thinking it was his own imagination.

A few seconds later, he felt a bump under him. Hidan became a little irritated. Believing it was some kind of animal, he hopped off the bed.

He was about to check under the piece of furniture when a hand popped out.

Hidan jumped back a few feet, giving a feminine yell. "What the hell is that?!"

Next to appear was a tuft of pink hair. The head of pink hair suddenly looked up with striking light-green eyes.

Hidan could only gape at this...woman? He hoped that this was a woman and not something else. He shakily pointed a finger at the person partially sticking her head out from under his bed.

"Where the fuck did you come from, bitch?" He tried to demand, but was freaked out by her.

The person ignored him, continuing to get herself out from under the bed. As she pulled herself out, she stood straight. A devilish smirk made its way on to her delectable, pink lips.

When she spoke, a low, seductive tone reached Hidan. "Why, me? I'm the monster from under your bed."

Hidan was speechless. Really, no words at all to describe this godly, _sexy_ woman! Long, pink hair reached her waist with sparkling emerald eyes. She was wearing a tight black corset that showed her cleavage off well. Not to mention she only had this lacy, black piece of underwear on! And those black leather boots that went up to her knees, hiding her perfect, toned legs...

All Hidan could do was stutter and tell her, "S-stay right there!" He bolted out of the room, wanting to tell his friends about his discovery.

They were all situated in the *_Rirakkusu _room, playing with cards and watching television. When Hidan arrived, he was all out of breath and speaking jibberish. "There's a room-and a bed and a fucking girl and a monster-"

Pein told him to calm down and repeat what he just said.

Hidan excitedly said, "A fucking girl came out under my bed you guys! She's so fucking hot and sexy and the things I would do to her..." Hidan drooled a little, saliva dripping down his chin.

"Ew, that's nasty yeah?" Deidara wrinkled his nose in distaste. He threw a card at Hidan, making it bounce off his forehead.

"The fuck bitch?! That hurt!" Hidan snarled at Deidara.

Out of nowhere, Itachi started to have a nosebleed and tried to hide it but wasn't very successful. Kisame teased him, "What are you thinking about 'Tachi?"

Itachi pointed at the direction he was staring in and Kisame whirled his head around to see the most beautiful creation on Earth.

"Holy fuck..."

"Hello boys," the pink-haired vixen purred to them. She had walked in the room, her boots making click-clack sounds.

"Which one of you will be my dinner tonight?" She winked tantalizingly at them.

"Damn, yeah..." Deidara's mouth dropped open.

All the men looked ridiculous one way or another: Pein's and Sasori's eyes were wide as a bug's, Itachi holding his nose, Kisame looking dumbstruck, Deidara's mouth was open, Kakuzu blushing deeply, Zetsu licking his lips, Madara twitching, Tobi getting ready to sneeze and finally, Hidan's mouth trying to form words.

Hidan stammered, not caring if he was sounding like an idiot. "I-it's her! Oh my Kami it's the hot bitch!"

Pein wanted to know who she was and how she got here. In his deep voice, he asked, "Who are you and how did you get here?"

Tobi's sneeze filled the room. "Achoo!"

The beauty ignored Tobi's outburst and tilted her head at Pein with a sexy smile directed at him. In a husky and throaty tone, she replied, "I believe I have told the delicious-looking man with the silver hair that I, am the monster under his bed."

She continued speaking in a low tone, "You may call me Sakura or whatever you wish."

Sakura slowly walked towards the couch, her hips swaying, catching the eyes of every male in the room following her movement. As she sat on the sofa with her head laid back against it, immediately Madara and Deidara jumped up from the floor and sat beside her.

They began to bombard her with questions.

"Are you really a monster, yeah?"

"Why are you dressed like that, my dear?"

"Do you want to come to my room, yeah?"

"Tell me darling, who brought you, a perfect angel from Heaven to this place?"

Sakura laughed throatily, making the men blush. Everything she did was with grace- and the intent to seduce, behind it.

Sakura opened one eye and drawled, "Boys, boys...do you really want to know?"

Almost instantly, a bunch of yeses answered her question.

"Well, if you insist on knowing...But first, introduce yourselves to me," she all but commanded in a captivating voice.

Madara grabbed ahold of her hand and kissed her knuckles. "I am Madara, my love."

Not wanting to be outdone, Deidara took her other hand and eagerly said, "I'm Deidara, yeah!"

"I am Pein. Welcome to our humble abode," Pein simply said.

"Kakuzu." Kakuzu gave a nod towards Sakura.

"Must I say...you look simply ravishing, Sakura. Call me Zetsu," Zetsu creepily said.

"Yo, sexy! I'm Kisame." Kisame winked at her, flexing his arm muscles and showing them off to Sakura.

"Tobi thinks you need to put on some clothes!" Tobi had his hand over where the hole in his mask was.

Itachi was still trying to stop his nose from bleeding. Not looking at the beautiful woman, he monotonously said, "I am Itachi."

Sasori gave her a smirk, his eyes lazily scanning over her figure. "Hello pretty doll, I'm Sasori."

"And don't forget me! I'm fucking Hidan and you came out of my fucking bed, not anyone else's!" Hidan said with pride, as if it was an everyday thing that girls appeared from under there.

"My, my...such a lovely bunch. I think you all will do," Sakura eyed each and every one of the males, giving them a sexy grin.

"To answer your questions, Deidara and Madara," she spoke their names in such an enticing way, "Humans may call us monsters...or more familiarly, succubi. I am a full-blooded succubus here to participate in...certain activities, if you will. We succubi tend to dress like this often."

She continued to speak charmingly, giving a small giggle. "I'm afraid I'm far from Heaven. In fact, I'm from Hell. The portal to Earth opened tonight for us succubi, letting us prey on those who are exquisite. It just happened to be under Hidan's bed."

Sakura smiled flirtatiously at Deidara, leaning towards him a little. She batted her eyelashes and said, "I wouldn't mind going to your room and doing...whatever you _like_," Sakura purred at him, running her index finger down his chest.

Deidara gulped loudly, sweat forming on his forehead -which thankfully, was hidden by his hair.

"S-sure, y-yeah..." Deidara struggled to say the words, falling for her irresistible spell.

Jealous of Deidara, Madara pouted. "Sakura-chan, what about me?"

Sakura slowly turned towards him, her eyes raking over his face and body. She put a hand under his chin and brought him closer to her. He could feel her breath on his lips and she said alluringly, "I wouldn't mind if you joined us. Three is not a crowd at all."

Madara's eyes closed, his lips puckering. However, Sakura let go of his chin, turning her attention to the other man.

Hidan muttered, "Holy shit...Holy shit...Jashin help me, make her mine. Holy shit."

Tobi ran to Sakura and stood in front of her. "Tobi says hi!" He happily said, waving his hand frantically at her.

Sakura laughed at the overexcited man. "You're quite innocent, aren't you?" She gave him a knowing look.

Mumbling to herself, she said, "Quite mysterious as well, hiding his face."

Tobi violently sneezed a couple of times and lost control of his balance, landing on Deidara.

"Tobi get the fuck off me, yeah? Don't get me sick!" Deidara growled at him.

"Tobi is sorry!" Tobi became a sobbing mess on Deidara's lap.

Deidara just pushed Tobi off him, sending Tobi on to the floor.

Tobi sniffled with his nose congested. Unbeknownst to the others, mucus was running down his nose at the moment.

Sakura inwardly laughed at their antics. She turned attention to the other masked man and pointedly looked at Kakuzu, who in turn gave her a blank look. "Yes?"

"Why do you hide your handsome face?" Sakura asked.

"...I have scars."

"Ah, I love a man with scars." Sakura got up from her seat and strutted to Kakuzu who was sitting on the floor.

She straddled his lap, not giving him a warning.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kakuzu gave her a small glare.

"I want to see your face, of course," Sakura slyly said and ripped the mask off his face.

With Kakuzu's face revealed, she saw the scars that appeared to look like stitches. She ran her hands across them softly but Kakuzu still flinched from her touch.

"So beautiful and delectable," Sakura quietly said to him.

Kisame was extremely jealous of Kakuzu but when he saw the view that Sakura's backside gave him, he started singing a song to himself. _"I like big butts and I cannot lie...you other brothers can't deny..."_

Itachi gave him a deadpan stare, now with tissue in both his nostrils. He gave Kisame a look as if to say, "Really, dude?"

Zetsu was curious on the words that she chose to use. Politely he asked, "Why do you use such words like delicious and delectable, Sakura-san? Do you eat people?"

Sakura laughed heartily, sending vibrations throughout Kakuzu's body. "Sakura is just fine, Zetsu-kun. No, I do not eat people."

She looked at Zetsu, with hunger in her eyes. "No...I do not eat people." She repeated herself.

"I _fuck _people."

Gasps of disbelief and awe sounded throughout the room.

Sakura got off Kakuzu's lap then and without a word, she made her way to the kitchen.

"Whoa...holy shit." Kisame said in a hushed voice.

"Damn, I wanna be on that hit list!" Hidan exclaimed.

Kakuzu was blushing deeply, especially at the fact that she basically complimented him on his looks while sitting on his lap.

Pein was inwardly blushing like crazy and couldn't believe a mythical creature such as the succubus was even real and tangible.

He cleared his throat. "What do you believe we should do with her?"

"Keep her, yeah!" Deidara energetically said.

"I agree," Madara nodded his head slowly. He was still reeling from the almost-kiss that happened between Sakura and him.

Itachi shrugged. "I do not care."

"Tobi thinks she's scary!" Tobi started bawling his eyes out.

"She is quite interesting...I would like to get to know her more," Sasori stated.

"Yes, she is. Tasty too," Zetsu added. He couldn't wait to bite into that succulent skin.

They heard a moan coming from the kitchen and they all simultaneously blushed.

"What the fuck is she doing in there?" Hidan walked over to the kitchen, followed by his roommates.

They saw her eating a cupcake -quite sensually, one might add-, just in time to see her lick the frosting off the lips.

"Hello, boys. Such enjoyable food you have here on Earth," she said while chewing on the pastel.

They merely stared at her lips, mesmerized by how they moved.

Sakura noticed their gawking and smirked. "Well boys, don't let me stop you from doing whatever you were doing before I came here."

Deidara blurted out, "But you're here now!"

Sakura finished eating her cupcake and smiled sexily at Deidara. "Yes, I'm here now. I believe I'm going to retire for the night."

She winked suggestively at the men, a hidden motive lying underneath her words.

As she exited the kitchen, she was heading up the stairs.

Kisame looked at his friends and said, "Wait, whose room is she staying in?"

Hidan shouted at Sakura. "Hey sexy bitch, where are you going?"

She turned to them, her green eyes giving them an enchanting look. "Why, to Deidara's room of course."

Deidara's mouth dropped open for the second time today. "M-my room, yeah?"

Sakura's laugh echoed as she walked up the stairs. "Might want to stop your jaw dropping, Dei-kun. I'll need it for later!"

Deidara felt glares around him.

"Damn it, you lucky bastard. And she came from _my _room, not yours," Hidan grumbled.

"I order you not to go up there," Pein commanded.

Deidara was going to retort back to Hidan and Pein but sneezed instead.

"Tobi, you got me sick, yeah!" Deidara angrily said.

Sakura's head popped out from the wall near the stairs of the second floor. "Oh Dei-kun since you're sick, I need someone else to accompany me tonight. I do not tolerate sickness."

Deidara started stuttering and sulking. "B-but-"

She ignored him and asked in a sweet voice, "Zetsu-kun, do you mind?"

Zetsu felt a sense of pride running through his veins when she chose him.

"Not at all, blossom. I'll be right there," he huskily said.

Sakura didn't answer him. The jealous men supposed she went to Zetsu's room instead.

Deidara started fuming.

"Damn it, Tobi! I'll give you three seconds to run, yeah?"

"But Tobi didn't do anything- Achoo!"

"Run!" Deidara fiercely growled.

Tobi's shrieks and Deidara's curses resonated in the room together like a song.

_"I like big butts and I cannot lie...you other brothers can't deny..."_

* * *

A/N: Huh, can't believe I finished another chapter. Well, one-shot, really. Anyways, Sakura is such a sexy minx here! ;) Thanks for reading! If you review, tell me if you liked it or not! :) Or if you spot any mistakes.

Until next time.

- Kai


	4. Chapter 4

**Prompt #4: **divorce

**Summary:** Unbeknownst to Sakura, Ino signs her up on this site...

**Warnings:** Hidan says it all. Mild sexual language/content.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Sakura had no time. Well, time for dating, that is. She was reading her medical textbook for her exam tomorrow. Repeating scientific words in her head like _atherosclerosis_ and _c__ardiac dysrhythmia_, she had to memorize the definitions too.

After an hour of studying, she decided to take a break. She closed her book, making sure to bookmark the page. She yawned, looking at the time. It was 7 P.M. and she had to wait for her roommates, Ino and Deidara to come home.

_Oh well, guess I should take a one hour nap, _Sakura thought. Not wasting bothering to set an alarm, she got in her bed and pulled the blankets over her body. She fell asleep almost instantly.

Sakura's mind started to dream. She was lucidly dreaming, aware of her situation. In her mind, she saw handsome males, all smiling or grinning at her, with flowers in their hands. However, she couldn't see their faces clearly. _So how do I even know they're hot? _Sakura subconsciously thought. When her dream self walked closer, wanting to get a look at them, they disappeared.

The pinkette woke up from her best friends' rambunctious chatter. As she stirred, she was thinking of the remnants of her dream. _Ah, that was really weird. Never dreamed something like that before, _Sakura mused.

She decided to listen to her friends' talking as she laid in bed.

"...So I met this totally hot guy today and he made eye contact with me for the longest time! It was so hot! Too bad I couldn't get his number."

"I bet he didn't even want your number. Hey, do you think Sakura-chan will like this ramen, yeah? They're trying out a new flavor-"

Sakura heard the sound of a hard smack, followed by a cry of pain.

"Ow, yeah! What was that for?"

"Telling me he didn't want my number, you idiot! Of course he does, why wouldn't he? I'm beautiful."

"In your dreams-"

"Finish that sentence calling me a pig, and you're dead! Stop using Sakura's nickname for me. Honestly, I don't even know why you're my cousin sometimes."

Sakura rolled her eyes at their banter. They were too much sometimes but amused her to no end. Stepping out of her bedroom, she called out their names.

"Ino-pig, Deidara-kun, welcome home!"

"Ah, thanks Sakura-chan! I bought us ramen for tonight's dinner, it's just on the table in the living room. I hope you like it, yeah!" Deidara smiled at her when Sakura walked closer to them.

"Forehead, were you studying again? You really need a break," Ino cut in, not giving Sakura to answer her cousin.

"Well I did take a break by napping," Sakura tried to defend herself.

"No Sakura, I meant a break as in going out. As in getting a boyfriend," Ino said slyly.

"I don't need a boyfriend to take a break!" Sakura protested.

"Yeah, Sakura-chan doesn't need a boyfriend!" Deidara backed Sakura up, causing Sakura to look at him weirdly. Deidara felt her eyes on him and tried to fight off the blush that was beginning to appear on his cheeks.

"Why doesn't she need a boyfriend, Dei-kun?" Ino demanded and continued talking, "Or maybe you don't want her to have a boyfriend because you-"

Deidara immediately muffled her mouth with his hand, causing Ino to give a murderous glare at him.

"She doesn't need a boyfriend because she just doesn't, okay?!" Deidara said a little too quickly, taking his hand off Ino's mouth.

"She is right here, standing while you guys talking about her like she's not here," Sakura scowled at both of them.

"We'll discuss this later. Let's eat dinner before it gets cold," Ino said, looking knowingly at Sakura.

Sakura didn't reply to her, brushing past her friends to get to her food.

When she got to her food, she took out the bowl of ramen and started eating it with her chopsticks.

The moment she put the noodles in her mouth, she spit it out.

"Deidara-kun, what the heck is this? It tastes horrible."

"What? It does, Sakura-chan?" Deidara started panicking. He hurried to Sakura and took his pair of chopsticks, taking a bite of his ramen.

Immediately, he spit it out, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You're right, it does tastes disgusting. I'm not sure what flavor this even is, yeah..." Deidara said sheepishly.

Sakura sighed inwardly. Deidara was kind of a ditz at times.

"It's okay, we can just order pizza or something." Sakura smiled at Deidara, letting him know she wasn't mad at all.

Deidara gave her a grin in return, relieved he wouldn't get a smack on the head.

"Alright you lovebirds, let's get ordering!" Ino demanded.

Deidara spluttered, trying to come up with a response while Sakura was used to Ino's bluntness-She just walked in her room, getting her cellphone.

When she came back, Deidara was looking at the floor, his cheeks pink.

Sakura was quite aware of his crush on her, but pretended not to be. She didn't know how to deal with men and didn't really want to because her studies came first. The pink-haired female also didn't want to ruin the close-knit friendship she had with Deidara.

"Here, you order for us." Sakura tossed her phone to Ino, with the blonde fumbling with her hands in order to catch it.

Ino gave a mini-glare at Sakura but proceeded to call the pizza place.

"...Hello? Hi, I would like to order a large pizza with..."

As Ino started talking, Sakura returned to her room, wanting to get back on studying.

"Where are you going, Sakura-chan?" Deidara asked, with curiosity lacing his tone. He wanted to spend time with her but it seemed like she had other plans.

Without turning her head to look at him, Sakura said, "Ah, I'm just going to go back studying. I have an exam tomorrow-"

Ino interrupted Sakura, finished with her phone call. "Sakura, I have to tell you something."

Sakura turned to look at Ino, with suspicion in her eyes. "Pig, what is it?"

"Never mind, I'll tell you after we finish eating." Ino furtively looked at Deidara quickly and back to Sakura, giving her a message: Alone, later.

Sakura accepted her answer and nodded, "Okay then."

Deidara skeptically looked at the both of them, thinking he missed something.

"It's nothing to worry about, Dei-kun," Ino rolled her eyes at him.

Deidara shrugged and asked, "Want to watch a movie while we wait for the pizza, yeah?"

The women agreed as the three made their way to the couches. Sakura sighed inwardly, knowing she wasn't going to return to studying tonight.

Deidara was finding a movie to watch, as he held two choices in his hands. "Which ones do you girls want to watch, yeah?"

Ino and Sakura immediately chose the same movie: "_Inception._"

Deidara chuckled, knowing it was their all-time favorite.

Ino asked, "What's the other movie you have in your hand? Never heard knew we even had that in our house."

"Oh, it's just a scary movie called _The Collector_. I didn't know if you girls were in the mood to watch scary stuff tonight, yeah..." Deidara trailed off.

Not one for scary movies, Sakura quickly shook her head. "Nope, _Inception _it is."

Ino remarked, "Why not Forehead? Maybe we could give this movie a try. We've already watched _Inception _like, ten times already."

"I don't want to get scarred and have nightmares. I have an exam tomorrow," Sakura retorted.

"Fine, fine. We won't watch it tonight." Ino pouted at her best friend. Sakura refused to look into Ino's eyes, knowing she would cave if she did.

At that moment, the doorbell rang, saving Sakura from saying yes to watching the movie. Sakura sprang up from the couch, eager to get away from her blonde friend.

She got her wallet that was on the table and when she opened the door, she was faced with a cute pizza delivery boy. He had slicked-back hair with light purple eyes.

Well, she thought he was cute until he opened his mouth.

"Here's your fucking pizza, bitch. Now give me your money," he sneered.

Sakura was furious at his lack of manners and the way he addressed her.

She roughly grabbed the pizza box from him and threw the money at his face.

"Take it you rude fucker and keep the change!"

She slammed the door in his face, but not before she got to see his shocked expression. Inwardly she felt pride running through her veins when she saw he didn't expect her to react the way she did.

"Pizza's here! Let's eat!" Sakura announced to her friends.

When she made eye contact with them, they all started laughing.

"Oh my god, you totally showed him, Forehead!" Ino managed to say through her laughter.

"Yeah I know! Sakura-chan was all like, 'Take it you rude fucker and keep the change!'" Deidara tried to mimic Sakura's voice.

Sakura giggled. "Not my fault he was such a rude person!"

They each grabbed a slice and started to play the movie they decided earlier on.

Although they had seen _Inception _too many times, they were never tired of it.

When the movie finished, Deidara said, "Oh man, the ending will always mess me up, yeah."

Ino agreed but Sakura said, "But it's up to you to choose how it ends. That's what I like about the movie."

Deidara nodded his head, seeing where she was coming from. "True, yeah."

Sakura yawned. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was 11:30 P.M.

"Guys, I'm gonna go shower and sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow," Sakura said sleepily.

Deidara said, "Okay, Sakura-chan. Good luck tomorrow, yeah?" He smiled at her.

Sakura nodded her head and grinned. "Don't worry, I'm gonna ace this test!"

"Go shower already," Ino pushed Sakura out of the room.

"Geez Pig, stop trying to get rid of me." Sakura walked to the bathroom and started to run the water for her shower.

Ino turned to her cousin and said, "Alright, I'm gonna go do my girly stuff. Do whatever you want."

Deidara made a face at the mention of 'girly stuff' and said, "Fine, I'm gonna go talk to Sasori-danna because I'm bored!"

"Sometimes, I think you and him would make a really great couple..." Ino said slyly, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

Deidara's face turned disgusted and red. "Gross, Ino-chan! I'm 100% straight, yeah!"

"Sure, sure..." Ino made her way to Sakura's bedroom. She couldn't wait to tell Sakura what she did now that she was sure Deidara wouldn't bother them. Hopefully, Sakura wouldn't mangle her face or anything...

* * *

"You did WHAT?!"

"I just went on an internet site called _KonohaHarmony _and signed up for you. What's the big deal?"

"Ino-pig, you do realize that's a dating site for people who are single, lonely and old?" Sakura was shocked that Ino made an account for her.

"Yes Forehead. You're single, lonely, well not old-but close enough. You need to get laid, Sakura," Ino said bluntly.

Sakura started spluttering a response to her. "W-wha-what do you mean I need to get laid?!"

"Sakura, you're 23. I think you need to get laid for the first time in your life," Ino said impatiently. She couldn't wait to show Sakura the profile she created for her.

"Here, go on the computer and sign in your account. The account name is 'Cherryblossom123' and password is 'iloveino123'." Ino started to turn on the laptop and pushed Sakura on to the chair. All Sakura could do was look flabbergasted. She did not need to get laid, especially through this creepy site!

Ino did the surfing for Sakura since the pinkette refused to go on the site. When she got to Sakura's profile, Sakura let out a little shriek.

"Ino-pig, you freaking put up my photo!" Sakura's cheeks were starting to turn red.

Sakura decided to read through the 'About Me' section.

Name: Sakura Haruno

Age: 23

Birthday: April 3, 1991

Hair color: Pink. If you ask, "Do the curtains match the drapes?" WELL HELL YES THEY DO! ;)

Eye color: Green

Height: 5'4"

Weight: Light enough so you can carry me to the bedroom ;)

Hobbies: I like reading and I'm boring but... LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM PLS

What I look for in a guy: Someone who knows how to hit the right spot and a BIG PENIS

Relationship status: "_Single and ready to mingle! Divorced with no remorse, prepared to have intercourse!_"

IF YA WANNA HOOK UP PRIVATE MSG ME XOXO

Sakura was ready to kill Ino by the time she finished reading everything.

"Oh my Kami...you better run, PIG!" Sakura yelled, getting up from her seat.

Ino wasn't fazed by her best friend's yelling.

"Chill out girl, I'm doing you a favor. Let's look at your inbox and see if there's any replies!" Ino squealed, excited for Sakura.

Sakura's face burned red from utter humiliation and embarrassment.

When Ino looked at the inbox, she let out an excited scream.

"Holy crap girl! There's ten people who want to get with you!" Ino was thrilled and decided to look at what their messages said.

She opened the first message and Ino began to read. Sakura's mortification was overrun by her curiosity as she started to read as well.

Message #1:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: PeinAndRain1

Subject: Hello Sakura

Hello Sakura,

I must say your little 'About me' was quite intriguing to read, not to mention amusing as well. Either you must be passionate about yourself or this is purely intended for humor. Hopefully, the former. I wish to know more about you and would like to meet with you. I have attached my photo to this message, if you are wondering how I look like.

Looking forward to your reply,

Pein

Ino opened the attachment and gasped. "Forehead, you lucky bitch! Go bang him!"

"What the heck, pig? He is pretty cute though..." Sakura admitted. With orange hair and purple-ringed eyes, he was unique-looking. Not to mention he had a bunch of piercings on his face, making him look extra hot.

"Okay, okay. Let's go to the next guy and see if he's hot too," Ino exclaimed.

Message #2:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: Lolliboy

Subject: YOU'RE SO PRETTY!

HI i'm Tobi and Sakura-chan, Tobi thinks u are really pretty and we can be best friends can we? can we be best friends? Tobi loves you bye!

Tobi's picture was of him holding a rainbow lollipop with his face covered by an orange mask with swirls on it.

"Let's skip that one," Ino said hurriedly.

Message #3:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: ilovemoney100

Subject: $$$

Would you like to make money? Your face is decent enough to land many jobs in modelling. I could be your agent and you could be my model. However I get half of your profits.

-Your new agent, Kakuzu

Kakuzu's picture was of him staring into the camera eerily with his green eyes and mask covering most of his face.

"Next!"

Message #4:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: Coolsharingan

Subject: Beautiful.

Hello Sakura,

You are very beautiful. Your profile was entertaining to read. I would like to get to know you more.

Itachi

"Holy shit...Sakura, I officially hate you. Seriously." Ino's mouth was open as she stared at Itachi.

"You can have him," Sakura muttered. But she was also gaping at Itachi as well.

Smoldering, dark eyes stared back into the camera. His hair was down to his shoulders and his mouth was curved into a little smirk.

"Go to the next one, Ino-pig," Sakura urged her friend. Ino didn't respond, still looking at the man's picture. Sakura shook Ino by the shoulders. "NEXT!"

Message #5:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: Jashinkami

Subject: hey bitch

U are so hot. LETS FUCK! ;D

Hidan

"What the...He was the rude pizza boy!" Sakura growled.

"Wait, really? He's pretty hot though."

A full-out grin was on his face, with purple eyes and silver hair.

"Next, pig!"

"Alright, geez! Hater."

Message #6:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: dunkillthefish

Subject: Question...

Sakura do you like to eat fish? Because seriously if you do we're gonna have a problem. But if you don't then that's cool you can be my girlfriend.

Bye,  
Kisame

"Um...definitely not. He's scary-looking."

"He has big muscles though, Sakura! Imagine what he can do with those hands..." Ino said dreamily, wandering off to lalaland.

"He has blue skin..." Sakura whispered.

"It sucks for him since he probably has blue balls all the time."

"Ino!"

With dark blue hair, he was grinning with his sharp teeth, flexing his arms.

Message #7:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: flowerkun

Subject: Tasty.

Dear blossom,

You seem very delicious. I would like to bite my teeth into you.

Wanting to taste you,

Zetsu

Zetsu's face was half white and the other half was black. With green hair and yellow eyes, he held raw steak to his face, grinning.

"No."

Message #8:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: youaremylovelylove

Subject: Marry me

Sakura-chan, you are so pretty! My darling, it seems you have a kinky side to you...can't wait for you to show it to me...

kisses,  
Madara

"Wow. He looks like Itachi though," Ino commented.

Madara was smiling as he held a rose to the camera, his red eyes looking seductive and long hair falling over his face.

Message #9:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: yourpuppeteer

Subject: My pretty doll

Sakura,

I didn't expect to see you on this site. I do miss seeing your lovely face.

Sasori

Ino and Sakura were full-out gaping at his picture.

"Sasori?!" Ino shrieked, not expecting him to be one of the 'suitors'.

"I don't know if I should be creeped out or not, knowing he's on this site..."

Sasori's brown half-lidded eyes looked at the camera as he gave a wide smirk.

"Right...one more person then! Let's see who this baby is," Ino said wickedly.

Message #10:

To: Cherryblossom123

From: artEXPLOSion

Subject: omg

Um...i didn't know you signed up for this site too, yeah? This is awkward...hi Sakura-chan!

"What the fuck?!" Ino shouted as she looked at the screen disbelievingly.

"…" Sakura was speechless.

"Dei-kun! Come here!" Ino marched up to Deidara's room. When he opened the door and looked at her questioningly, Ino dragged him by the ear to Sakura's room.

"Ow what are you doing?! That hurts, yeah!"

"Explain to us what this is!" Ino pointed to Sakura's laptop screen.

Sakura was still staring at the screen, frozen.

Deidara took a closer look at the screen and then stood still as a statue.

"Uh...I don't know bye!" Deidara tried to run from the room but Ino blocked the way, glaring at him.

Deidara's back slouched, his eyes on the ground. "Sasori-danna told me Sakura-chan was on the site, so I wanted to sign up too, yeah."

Ino face-palmed, not knowing what to say to her cousin.

Sakura started laughing, causing the others to join in. When the laughter died down, Sakura said, "Well, It's been a long day. I'm gonna go sleep. Good night guys."

She turned off the laptop and lights, settling into bed.

"Night Forehead! You'll ace that exam!"

"Good night Sakura-chan," Deidara whispered.

They shuffled out of her room and as soon as they stepped out, Ino smacked Deidara on the back of the head.

"You're an idiot!"

* * *

The next day, Sakura was done with her exam and was free for the remaining of the day. She called Deidara, asking if he could pick her up so they could go home.

"Sure, yeah! Give me five minutes and I'll be there soon. I have this project to do with my friends though," Deidara said.

"Ah, never mind then. I don't want to disturb you. I can just walk home," Sakura quickly replied.

"No, it's okay. I can introduce you to them if you want, yeah?" Deidara was unsure if he should introduce them to her. They were weird and blunt if they wanted to be.

"If you're sure..." Sakura said uncertainly.

"It'll be fine, we're just in the one of the university rooms, yeah."

"I'll just walk there since your school is pretty close to mine. What room number is it?"

"Uh...there's no room number. Just ask the person in the lobby for the 'Akatsuki'," Deidara sheepishly said.

"Okay, I'll be there soon!" Sakura cheerily said.

She hung up on Deidara, briskly making her way to his university.

When she got there, she asked for directions to the 'Akatsuki room' and when she arrived there, she was aghast.

There, in the room were the men that messaged her on the dating site.

Deidara looked at who just stepped into the room and grinned. He ran over to Sakura and picked her up, spinning her around.

"Sakura-chan, yeah!"

"Deidara-kun...I have to tell you something," Sakura frantically whispered.

All the males in the room stopped what they were doing as they watched the exchange between the two. They saw the pink hair and green eyes and immediately knew who she was.

They all shouted, "Sakura!"

Sakura's face was slowly turning white as she turned her head to them.

"Uh...hi."

Deidara's face held confusion. "You know them, Sakura-chan?"

"N-not...really? I mean the site and stuff but that's it..." Sakura fumbled over her words.

"Site?" Deidara asked. He was going to continue but Pein interrupted him.

"Hello Sakura, it is nice to finally meet you," Pein walked over to her and kissed her hand smoothly.

"W-wait but..." Sakura stuttered.

"Yo bitch! You got guts, throwing your fucking money at me as if I was a stripper," Hidan winked at her.

"She's kinky. Just what I wanted in a future wife," Madara said seductively.

"No, I-"

"Hello, my beautiful doll. Haven't seen you in weeks," Sasori drawled.

"Sakura, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you are willing to court me," Itachi said as he walked over to her, murmuring in her ear.

"But-"

"Hey little one! You never responded to my message!" Kisame winked.

"Sakura-chan is here! Tobi is so happy!" Tobi glomped Sakura into a big hug.

"But-"

"Want to make money?" Kakuzu's eyes gleamed brightly at the mention of cash.

"You look very delicious, blossom..." Zetsu smiled creepily.

"Stop!" Sakura yelled as she disentangled herself from Tobi's embrace. She took a few steps back.

"I don't even know any of you. I don't want to date any of you or be friends with any of you!" Sakura shouted.

Immediately, all their faces fell in unison.

Sakura felt bad and tried to say something nice. "But I guess we could try being friends...although this wasn't most ideal."

Once again, their faces turned into one of happiness.

Deidara was just completely confused, and a little jealous on how his friends acted towards her. "How do you know these guys, Sakura-chan?"

"Ino-pig signed me up for that dumb dating site and wrote all these things!" Sakura seethed, wanting to hit something.

"I didn't even know my friends had an account on it, yeah," Deidara scratched his head.

"So...Sakura-chan," Madara sauntered to her. He opened his mouth and purred, "You like guys who can hit the right spot?"

Sakura's mouth dropped open and her face turned pink.

"W-wha-"

Hidan chose to jump in the conversation.

"Shut the fuck up Madara. She would rather choose me. I have a big penis!"

"No, she wants someone to love her for who she is. And that would be me," Itachi stated confidently.

This sparked argument among the others as they started to debate on whose was bigger, and who can satisfy and love Sakura better.

Sakura started to bang her head against the wall, groaning, "Why me?"

* * *

A/N: Omg, I'm finally done. _ I kept having writer's block lol. I hope you enjoyed, although I don't think this one is funny enough. Oh well. Thanks for reading an please review! :)

I also started thinking of writing a multi-chaptered fic with AkatsukixSakura.

The summary is: She always thought bad boys were cool, but this takes it to the extreme. "What do you mean you're a gang leader?" Sakura shrieked. "I had to let you know, Sakura. You're more involved than you think you are," Pein said regretfully.

Until next time! (I don't know when that will be.)

-Kai


End file.
